


First Love

by cloudnine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 14:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4881199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudnine/pseuds/cloudnine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drunk heartbroken Hinata.</p><p>I shouldn't be awake at 2 A.M. with you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Love

**Author's Note:**

> ugh

It's cold. Probably the coldest night Hinata has suffered through ever since he got into college. Maybe it _had_ been a bad idea; His decision to go to the bar near his university. His hands were freezing, having forgotten to bring gloves. He could feel his lips getting chapped and his cheeks burned from the wind hitting his face.

Even so, he didn't care. In fact, he didn't even care if he fell down and died of hypothermia. He was that depressed, _that_ fucked up over Kageyama rejecting him. He would have stayed and cried in his room by himself where no one could see the true him, the true emotional Hinata who was in love with his friend who would never return his feelings. It hurt so much. But he was tired of crying. He had even missed his classes because of it, and avoided his friends.

Tonight he decided he was going to forget Kageyama. He was going to the bar where no one knew him, would get drunk as fuck, and maybe if he's lucky meet a nice guy who could make him forget Kageyama. He snorted at his own thoughts. Yeah right, he's not that dumb. He knows he's not in the right mindset. He just needs to let go for a night.

So he finally opens the door to the the bar. It was Friday night, you'd expect many people would be here, but Hinata found the small bar had only some few customers. He walks in and the bartender gives him a nod. Once he'd been worried that people would think he's underage because of his face, but people seemed to sense the depressive mood Hinata was in so no one asked. Yeah, cause only adults came to a bar to drink their sorrows away.

There's a couple in a booth flirting and kissing each other. Hinata wonders if they just met. He shrugs it off and sits in one of the bar stools, taking his scarf off. The bartender was talking to a customer on the far right but when he's done he moves over to Hinata. Hinata doesn't even bother raising his head to look at him or the other customer.

The bartender stares him down before raising an eyebrow. "Rough day, huh? What would you like?"

Hinata stays quiet for a while, feeling his anxiety acting up. He had gone to this bar a few times with his friends but he never enjoyed any of the drinks they recommended him. They made him tipsy, light headed and before he knew it he was puking back at his dorm's bathroom. He felt like he needed that now, just puke his sorrows out so he orders some whiskey, the drink he felt hit him harder. 

"You got it."

While the bartender goes make his drink Hinata leans his arms on the table, pushing his head down. He's never felt as bad in his life as he did today. 

He should have known Kageyama would reject him. He should have stopped himself when he stood outside his class and told him they needed to talk. He should have known Kageyama never loved him more than as a friend. They weren't met to be.

But he really though they did. All those three years in high school, when they finally got along together. When he finally realized he liked him on his second year, and the horrible third year of controlling himself around him. 

There were so much things that gave him hope, the fact that they both got into the same college saved Hinata from nights of worrying he would lose contact with Tobio. It gave him hope that they would be together forever, that someday they would both realize that they loved each other and date. 

But he was wrong. He was the only one thinking that. Kageyama wasn't interested in him. After all, he was Kageyama; Why would he of all people want to be with Hinata. It still hurt, though. It hurt like hell. Kageyama was his first love.

"Here you go." 

Hinata lifts his head when the bartender places the drink in front of him. He stares at the yellow liquid for a while before he mutters a thanks and grabs the glass with his shaking fingers. The bartender lets out a hum before he goes back to the other customer. 

Hinara shakes the drink in his hand for a while, entranced with the liquid. He listens to the sound of the couple whispering to each other, the low music playing in the speakers and the honks of cars from outside. He wishes they would all shut up.

He lifts the drink to his mouth and gulps the liquid down, his throat burning because of the taste. He should get used to it if he wants to keep coming here.

He stays still for a while, getting used to the feeling. He hopes this really affects him and he forgets about today. 

Eventually he orders another one.

* * *

Ushijima taps his fingers on the wooden table while drinking some cheap beer. In another moment of his life he would have probably punched himself before ordering such a bad drink, but he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't come here almost every weekend to waste money on alcohol. 

He turns his head up when he sees his friend walking over to him, a worried look on his face.

"What's with that face?" Ushijima asks even though he wasn't really interested. He knew it had to do with the customer who was sitting some chairs away. 

The bartender shrugs before leaning next to the wall. "He's ordered four whiskeys non stop. I don't think he'll last any longer."

Ushijima glances to the guy in question. He stares at the younger looking person's orange locks for a while, thinking they remind him of someone. But the look the guy had didn't. He looked dead inside.

Ushijima shrugs. It wasn't his thing to care about others people's life. He just wished the guy didn't make a scene. Most random depressed guys who came in here always did the same, drink till they ran out of money, get drunkenly angry at the bartender, then left crying about their wives leaving them. This kid seemed to young to be married, though. 

"Just tell him he'll ran out of money if he keeps ordering." Wakatoshi says, drinking his beer.

"I don't think he'll listen." Says the bartender scratching his chin. "He seems pretty bummed about something. Sad, he seems so young. He should be going out with his friends, having fun."

"Sounds like your judging me." Wakatoshi replies, snorting.

"I said young." The bartender says letting out a small chuckle, before they both turn their heads at the sound of the customer hitting the table.

"H-hey, bartender. W-wheres my drink..."

Ushijima raises an eyebrow. Four drinks and the kid is already mad drunk. Well, he needed to stop thinking people could hold their liquor like he did.

"Hey, hey." The bartender walks over to the orange haired guy. "I think you've had enough drinks for one night."

The kid stares begrudgingly at the guy before he slams his hand again. "N-no, I don't. Just one more, jeez. You don't know me."

"I might not know you personally, but I know saps like you who get drunk and make a scene. Go home, kid."

Wakatoshi turns his head, not even interested in watching the drama. It's happened so many times since he's come here. 

It wasn't his problem: His life motto and what made his life perfect and great.

"Whoa, hey kid."

Ushijima turns his head to see the kid's head had dropped to the table, his eyes closed. 

"...I think he's unconscious, Wakatoshi."

Ushijima scratches his head at his friend's gaze. "What do you want me to do about it."

"Wake him up. He looks about your age so he might go to your same college."

Wakatoshi lets out a sigh. He didn't come here to deal with other people's problems. He gets off his chair and walks over to the kid. Those orange locks _really_ seemed familiar. He doubted many people had them.

"Hey, kid. Wake up." He says, nudging the kids shoulder. No reaction. His eyes were still shut tight. 

"He should wake up soon, but I'd still rather he just leave. After paying of course." The bartender says scratching his neck.

"Oi." Wakatoshi says again and then he notices the kid's phone falling out of his jacket. A small volleyball accessory was attached to it, and Ushijima narrows his eyes.

"I know him." The bartender raises an eyebrow.

"Now you know him? Wow, Wakatoshi. Didn't think you'd be the type into kids like him."

"No, I mean I _knew_ him. We met in high school." Ushijima says calmly, pushing the sudden anger inside him away. 

He _knew_ the guy looked like Hinata, but he didn't think he'd meet him again in a place like this.

"Oh, I see. Your volleyball days. Anyways, can you get him out of here then, since you know him?"

Wakatoshi stares at the familiar hair for a while before he sighs and sticks his hand into his pocket.

"I'll pay for him. You know I've never cared much about money."

The bartender laughs. "If you say so. He's lucky he met someone he knows. Have a nice night, Wakatoshi."

"You too." He says before grabbing Hinata's arms and placing it behind his neck. 

He knew this was dumb. He shouldn't take care of him. It's his fault for coming here and doing this to himself.

But he couldn't leave him. Not here where anyone could hurt him. 

He was really lucky. Ushijima wasn't.

* * *

"Hmm..."

Hinata moves his head back, trying to ease the sudden pain in his head. He only ever gets a migraine like this when...

He scratches his eyes and opens them, staring at the unfamiliar room his laying in. It's a room just like his, except it's organized and only has one bed. He thinks he sees books laying around and two doors but he can't really tell by the dim light and his weariness.

"Where am I?" He asks, even though he's not sure if someone is there. There had to be someone, this wasn't a room he had ever been in. At least he didn't wake up kidnapped or something. He was at his college.

"It's 2 am. You're in my room."

His eyes open wide at the voice and he turns his head at the presence of a large person holding a blanket in his arm. He stares at the man's dark hair and eyebrows before he realizes he knows him.

Ushijima Wakatoshi. He hadn't seen him since high school. 

"Ah, so you..." He feels like punching himself, instead he lets out a weak laugh. "To think we'd meet again like this."

"Yeah." Wakatoshi says, placing the blanket atop of a desk and moving to sit in a chair besides the bed. Hinata looks at him grudgingly, his head still hurting like hell. 

"What where you doing at that bar?"

Hinata opens his mouth then closes it, unsure of how to answer. Somehow Wakatoshi seemed to have found him in that bar and brought him to his room, just like his friends did.

"I was just," He stops before his eyebrows furrow. "Why did you help me?"

"Shouldn't I have helped you. I would have brought you to your dorm but I don't know where you're staying."

"I'm not, It's just..." He grips the sheets. "We haven't seen each other in years. Even if we know each other I wouldn't think you would have..."

Ushijima crosses his arms. "You think that lowly of me, Hinata Shouyo?"

Hinata scratches his neck. "N-no, you're just the last person I'd thought would carry me while I'm drunk." He doesn't even want to think about all the things he's had to put Ushijima through. It was embarrassing to think that his old rival would carry him over to his dorm. 

"Well, the circumstances called for it. You were alone and I was there."

It was weird to picture Ushijima at that bar or any bar. Hinata wonders if he was the man the bartender kept talking to. Somehow, it made it even worse that he went to get drunk there and someone he knew had seen him. 

"So, since I just woke up, now what?" 

"Actually," He leans his arms on the bed. "You started crying on the way over here."

Hinata feels his cheeks redden. "W-what?"

"You suddenly woke up inside the car and started crying, saying something about how dumb you are and..." Ushijima trails off, not wanting to continue. 

Hinata grabs his hair. "God, that's so embarrassing." 

"It's fine." The older student replies, his face as serious as ever. "You seemed distressed about something. Studies show it's better to let out pain than hold it in.

Of course. Leave it to Ushijima to be technical, Hinata thinks grudgingly. He still feels sick, his stomach felt empty and his head hurt. 

He feels the bed move and sees Ushijima stand up and move some books. "You can stay here for the night."

Hinata's eyes lit up. "Are you sure? After all the trouble I've been."

"I'm sure." He opens up some drawers in search of something. "Your dorm must be far. You shouldn't walk in this condition."

He scratches his nose, and feels his eyes watering again. All the consideration Ushijima was taking for him, after he brought him over here from the bar. All the things he's done for him today after years of not seeing each other. 

"Thanks, Ushijima. You don't know how much I appreciate it. I'm really sorry for all of this." 

"Like I said, it's fine."

After Ushijima tells him where the bathroom is they stay in silence, Hinata not sure what to tell him. He wanted to ask him so many things, about his life and about today. 

"Do you need something?" 

He jumps at the voice, feeling vomit come up his throat. 

"I-I'm fine. Don't worry."

"You sure?" Ushijima asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm-"

Ushijima moves away when Hinata suddenly stands up from the bed and runs to the bathroom. Ushijima's eyes open wide before he looks for a clean towel in his room. He'll need to get some cleaning supplies tomorrow.

He walks over to the bathroom and like he figured, Hinata is puking into the toilet. He leaves the door open but moves aside, deciding to give him some privacy. After a while the noise stops and the sound of Hinata hitting his head against the wall makes Ushijima check on him. There's some vomit left on Hinata's lips but fortunately he didn't make a mess on the toilet seat. He moves inside and flushes the toilet, then kneels down next to Hinata.

"Here, I got you a towel." 

Hinata doesn't say anything, and he looks like he's about to fall asleep again. Ushijima moves his hair back and sighs. He grabs the towel and moves closer to Hinata's face. He's as close as he was in the bar, except he can fully see Hinata's face now, unlike the darkness inside the bar that made him unrecognizable. As slow as he can to not hurt him he starts wiping the towel on his lips and chin to get the vomit off. Hinata doesn't move, his eyes shut tight. Ushijima can't help but stare at his eyelashes, long and making his face look calm even though he wasn't. He had the same face he had in high school, only his cheekbones gave off that he might have grown. He also seemed taller, and his hair was shorter. Still a mess of orange curls though. 

When he's done, he throws the towel into the sink and tries to pick Hinata up to move him into the bed. Again, he grabs Hinata's arm and puts them around his neck. He feels Hinata stir and suddenly he's grabbing onto his neck, almost making him choke.

"Hey, be careful."

He hears a sniffle before Hinata pushes his head into his shoulder. Wakatoshi coughs and tries to pick Hinata up by his legs. Maybe carrying would be easier, and he didn't seemed that heavy. 

He pushes the door open with his feet and walks back into his bedroom, all the while listening to Hinata crying on his shoulder. 

"Hinata." He whispers. "Let go of me so I can put you on the bed."

The younger man sniffles but finally lets go. Wakatoshi leans down, placing him on his bed then throwing himself down on his computer chair. Somehow he thought Hinata would be lighter.

"I can't believe I did this." While Hinata continues to regret himself Ushijima goes get some tissue paper. He places them besides Hinata and he immediately picks one to clean his eyes. 

"Don't hold back. It's better if you let it out."

"But I'm so pathetic." He says after a moment of silence and Ushijima raises an eyebrow.

"I mean, you know why I'm like this. Why I even went into the bar, don't you?"

As always, Ushijima answers as honestly as he can. "It has something to do with Kageyama Tobio, from what you said in the car." 

Hinata snorts, looking away. "Not something, everything." He blows his nose into the paper. "I'm so pathetic."

Ushijima wasn't good at pity talk. He hated people who hated themselves, but he knew Hinata wasn't like that. He had to reach this point because this deeply affected him. He wasn't the kind of person to let anything or anyone bring him down. 

"You can tell me." He just says, leaning his back against the chair and crossing his arms.

"Aren't you tired, you should go to sleep..." Hinata says before he looks at Ushijima, his face serious and eyebrows placed to signal his mild anger. But not because Hinata was bothering, but because he was changing the topic.

"...Ok, fine." Hinata says, placing his cheek on his hand. 

He lets out a sigh before he replies. "I confessed to Kageyama and he rejected me."

Ushijima stays silent.

"I told him I love him and wanted to be with him. He told me he didn't love me that way, that he only saw me as a friend. I acted like it was fine, like it didn't feel like my heart was breaking. We laughed, parted ways. He must have felt awkward but thought that I would get over it. It's _me_ after all."

"I'm such an idiot." He laughs weakly. "I thought he and me were meant for each other, that he liked me too."

"So, yeah." He moves back his hair. "That's the story of why you found me drunk inside a bar."

Ushijima doesn't answer and Hinata feels his confidence go even lower. Nothing could make him regret this day even more, so he could care less that he just told his old volleyball rival that he had a crush on his teammate. 

"I know how you feel."

Hinata snorts. "Yeah, right. You of all people..."

"I liked someone too."

Hinata stays quiet, and Ushijima doesn't know why but he continues.

"I thought they might like me back someday, even though for years I looked at them from behind their back. Deep down I knew they would never like me. We were too different. And they liked someone else. They were always together, they both hated me. It was obvious to me, maybe not to them, that they were perfect for each other. That I was just an intruder."

Hinata stares at Ushijima before he mutters a small "wow". The last thing he expected was for Ushijima Wakatoshi of all people to have an unrequited crush on someone, and for him to tell Hinata. Maybe he changed after he graduated. Or maybe he was always like this, just not with Hinata. 

"So I guess we're both lovesick, huh?" Hinata merely says, gazing down at his knees. 

Ushijima nods awkwardly. How were they suppose to talk to each other now? Should he tell him more, or should he leave it to his imagination? Wakatoshi hadn't had to deal with telling  _anyone_ about his old crush. It felt like he just dumped his secrets over Hinata, a kid he hadn't seen since he graduated.

"Wait, I just realized." Ushijima turns his head to Hinata, who suddenly leaned against his bed post looking at the door. "You're room has it's own bathroom!" 

Ushijima stares at the sudden outburst and feels a smile coming to his face. "Yeah. This room is my own."

"Lucky. I share my room with this guy who plays soccer. He's really cool but I hate when he insists on cooking inside our room and stinks up the place. You don't know what that's like." He snorts.

'Glad to see his feeling better.' Ushijima thinks as he stares at the boy blabber about his roommate and friends. It's better if he forgets what was depressing him.

"Hey..." His sudden cheerfulness disappears and he gazes at Ushijima seriously. Ushijima curses in his bead.

"...Could you tell me who that person was? The one you liked."

Ushijima stares at him in silence for a while before he gulps, feeling oddly nervous for the first time in his life.

For once, he hated how honest he was.

"Oikawa."

"I knew it!" Hinata suddenly lifts himself up the bed and points at him. "Not that you make it obvious but..."

Ushijima lets out a scoff. "That's in the past."

Hinata laughs but his gaze turns sad again, making Ushijima wince. 

"You know, I really appreciate you helping me. Somehow I feel better about all of this, so thanks." He smiles at him, a small sad smile that tells him "I'm fine now."

Ushijima raises an eyebrow and turns his gaze away. "Don't thank me. It just so happens that we both had similar problems, that's all."

Hinata chuckles. "It's funny because when I was thinking about going out, I kind of wanted to meet someone who'd make me forget about him. And, well, here I am. With you."

 _Was he coming on to him?_ Impossible. That's the alcohol still in his body talking. He got rejected by the guy he loves  _today._  He's saying that out of pity. He just needed someone to bring his spirit back up, and Ushijima was the guy tonight.

"Go to sleep, Shouyo."

"Huh?" Hinata looks bewildered when he utters those words. "But where are you sleeping?"

"I have an extra futon around here somewhere. Don't worry about me just get some rest, you need it."

Hinata opens his mouth to say something before he nods slowly and lays himself on the bed again. Ushijima takes that as him listening so he looks for the futon in his room.

When he's finished preparing his bed for the night he looks at Hinata, eyes shut and in deep sleep. He sighs, passing a hair through his hair hoping to God he didn't wake up to puke or something. He walks over to his lamp, turns it off and lays himself on his futon. 

Hinata had his eyes closed, and he _was_ resting. But he wasn't sleeping. He wouldn't tell anyone, even less Ushijima. How could he sleep when he was wrapped around the sheets Ushijima sleeps in every night. His scent is everywhere and Hinata can't help but bask in it. It feels warm, unlike his dingy bed in his room. he breathes it in like it's the last time he'll ever smell it, which it probably was. It was also the first time he ever heard Ushijima say his first name alone.

* * *

"Wake up!~ Wake up!~"

Hinata stirs and groans, pressing the pillow to his ear. 

What an annoying alarm.

And his head hurt like hell. 

The cutesy sounding alarm clock finally shuts up after he hears Ushijima stand up and slam his hand on it. Looks like he didn't sleep well either, Hinata thinks.

"Sorry. I always wake up early." 

Hinata lays up, scratching his eyes. No use acting like he's sleeping around him. He looks up and gazes at the sight of a sleepy Ushijima. There's bags under his eyes and his hair is messy ( _his was probably worse_ ), but he looks good. Not counting the fact that every time he moves his arms up he could see his belly. 

"It's fine. I also have an annoying alarm clock. My roommate."

He smiles dizzily at his own joke, and he thinks he sees Ushijima scoff. At least he wasn't mad at him.

His mouth tasted like shit, he hadn't eaten anything since he went to the bar last night. He didn't want anything more than to brush his teeth and take a bath. Also maybe take a pain reliever.

"It's Saturday."

Hinata blinks at him. "Oh, right."

He kicks the sheets off him like they were his own and stands up, still rubbing his eyes. If he didn't know better he'd think Ushijima was staring at him. He _wished_ , maybe. 

He can't tell anyone he slept at an older guy's room. They'll never see the end of it. The hardest thing would probably be convincing them he _didn't_ sleep with him.

"...I should probably get going then." 

Ushijima doesn't reply. He moves to his bathroom and Hinata waits for him to come out. When he comes back he has a pill and a glass of water in his hands.

"Here, take this. It should ease the hangover a little."

He blinks but mutters a small "thanks", then chugs down the pill with the tap water. It feels nice to have something go down his throat that doesn't sting.

Ushijima grabs the glass from his hand and their fingers brush, but Hinata's probably the only one who notices. He tells himself he's just feeling like this because Ushijima helped him yesterday. He still liked Kageyama. Ushijima was sadly just what he _wished_ Kageyama would do. 

At least, that's what he tells himself. He hadn't seen Ushijima in years. 

"Well," Hinata yawns and stretches his arms. "I really appreciate all of this, Ushiwaka." 

Ushijima doesn't seem fazed at the old nickname; he just nods and stands there, his white shirt to short for comfort, his yoga pants showing something Hinata shouldn't be looking at.

_He still liked Kageyama._

Hinata grabs his jacket and scarf from where Ushijima had placed them and shrugs them on, knowing the trip to his dorm is going to be cold. 

He grabs the door knob and opens the door, turning his head once last time at Ushijima.

"So, I'll see you around." He didn't know what else to say. He felt like he just lead him on, even though that wasn't the truth. He should do something for him, he should thank him for everything he's done over and over. But he doesn't. His throat aches and the words don't come out. His breath probably smelled bad, too.

"Wait."

Hinata blinks and looks at him.

_He didn't want this. He didn't need this. Please don't do this._

"If you're feeling better later, wanna go out?"

It's the last thing he expected to hear coming from Ushijima, but his heart beats all the while. 

He liked Kageyama. It didn't matter if Kageyama had rejected him. He's been in love with him for 4 years now. 4 years of loving him from behind his back and one day of something going wrong was going to stop his love for him? No. He loved Kageyama Tobio. 

He _loved_  Kageyama.

"Ok."

He tells himself his first love isn't his last.

 


End file.
